I remember very vividly, one of my Dr.s last year told me, at the begining of my cancer journey, that the best thing I could do for my health and myself, was to find a good man and fall in love! Well, I finally did!! I got to visit her last week and tell her the good news and she was ecstatic!!!!
His name is Robert S. and he's Australian! I didn't know until the moment that I knew, that he was exactly what I wanted in a man. By that, I mean, that sometimes I think we don't know what we want until it's in front of our face and then it's like an Oprah Aha moment and we suddenly just know. I've had moments in life where I just knew what I knew and there's no rhyme or reason for that knowing, I just knew what I knew, and I was always right.
I knew that I wanted a good man, and that was worth holding out for. What I just realized recently is that I want to have a bi-cultural life. Living abroad has always been a long-time dream and I suddenly realized that's the life I want, and he's the life I want. He's sweet, kind, generous, smart and loves me too! He's handsome, sexy, and has a wonderful Aussie accent and is very passionate!!! We're talking marriage and a future together!! This year, I have a Valentine!! I'm only sorry here's about 15,000 miles away.....:(
Love is truly what makes the world go around!!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Jan 30, 2010
Today I got a very swift kick in the butt of a remineder that I just went through cancer and I need to be much more gentle on myself. I've tried to just right back into life and it's hurting and full of resistance and hard. Today, I get to remember that play is more important than work, and that I am not meant to live my life the way most people live their lives and that's OK. I get to remember that life isn't meant to be hard and more work than play. I forgot and what happened is that my body started hurting. My thoughts started to become rigid. My emotions started to bottle up and stay stuck. I came here knowing that I am not anyone but myself, and in that knowledge comes the freedom of living my life the way I need to live it and not the way anyone else needs to live theirs! Whew.....I feel like I just took a very big weight off my shoulders by just saying that. I get to me and it's my choice to embrace me or not and when I don't things start to get stuck and forceful and I don't like living that way!
So in today is a new day, I get to start remembering that my spirit and Divine Creator are the most important relationships that I can work on, everything and everyone else, gets to be second, and will work out just fine if I am prioritizing what's most important to me.
I JUST WENT THROUGH A YEAR OF CANCER AND IT'S OK FOR ME TO LIVE LIFE IN A MORE GENTLE AND LOVING WAY!! That was my own reminder! Thanks Cheryl for helping me out of that one.....:)
So in today is a new day, I get to start remembering that my spirit and Divine Creator are the most important relationships that I can work on, everything and everyone else, gets to be second, and will work out just fine if I am prioritizing what's most important to me.
I JUST WENT THROUGH A YEAR OF CANCER AND IT'S OK FOR ME TO LIVE LIFE IN A MORE GENTLE AND LOVING WAY!! That was my own reminder! Thanks Cheryl for helping me out of that one.....:)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Dec 31, 2009 The last day of the year....
As I think back on this last year, I reflect on all that I have gone through and all that has happened......It's been a wild ride for sure. In some ways, it almost seems unreal, this last year, and in some ways it feels like the most real year of my life. I think of all that I am ready to let go of, and all that I am ready to open myself up to recieving for 2010. I am ready to let go of fear....the fear of having cancer again. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of failure. The fear of not living my dreams and the fear of living them too! We all live with so much fear almost on a daily basis and I don't want to live that life. I am ready to let go of judgement. Judgement of myself and judgement of others. Judgement of whether I am doing the right thing in this moment. Judgement of my body and what I think it SHOULD look like right now. Judgement of my emotions and how I am SUPPOST to feel right now. I let go of judgement of how others as well.
I am ready for a shift in awareness and a shift in living. I am ready to be healthy and to act healthier in my decisions and choices. I am ready to let love in, for myself, for others, and to be loved as well! I am ready to allow my finances to be healthy, my work to be fulfilling, and my life to hold meaning. I am ready to value myself and my decisions and know I have the freedom to be who I really am....and who I am is wonderful and perfect The freedom to inspire myself and others....and to also be inspired by those around me. This year, I allow myself to be fully human and to allow others that gift as well. I allow myself to cry without pride, to laugh without worry, and to empathize without fear.
This is a whole new year, a whole new adventure, a whole new opening and stretching. Welcome 2010!! So glad to meet you!
I am ready for a shift in awareness and a shift in living. I am ready to be healthy and to act healthier in my decisions and choices. I am ready to let love in, for myself, for others, and to be loved as well! I am ready to allow my finances to be healthy, my work to be fulfilling, and my life to hold meaning. I am ready to value myself and my decisions and know I have the freedom to be who I really am....and who I am is wonderful and perfect The freedom to inspire myself and others....and to also be inspired by those around me. This year, I allow myself to be fully human and to allow others that gift as well. I allow myself to cry without pride, to laugh without worry, and to empathize without fear.
This is a whole new year, a whole new adventure, a whole new opening and stretching. Welcome 2010!! So glad to meet you!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Dec 8, 2009
As this year is coming quickly to a close, I am reminded of so much good that is a part of my life. I realize easily that I have so much while others around the world have so little, and for that I feel very blessed. This year has been one of the biggest gifts of my life. I've learned and remembered much. Whithout going through breast cancer I wonder where I would be standing today. What kind of a person would I be.....what decisions would I be making differently? I am making better decisions today and that's priceless for me. I am seeing my life differently and moving forward with things that are important to me and that also is most valuable. Today, I am grateful for so much! I hope we can all remember how much good we have in our lives the next time we start to complaint about something that we aren't happy over.....let's take a moment and look at the good we have all around us! Let's let go of the small stuff that only takes our energy away and let's remember to have gratitude for all the wonder and magic that our lives give us everyday!!!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Dec 6, 2009
Seems like there would be a feeling of elation at the end of cancer treatments, not sure that was what I was feeling or am now. I think to think there is an end to cancer is a myth. I felt like I would be done with cancer after my radiation ended, but now I realize that there is not "end" really to cancer. Now my mind is caught up with "is this the end, or am I going to go through this again sometime in my life?" I've had an extremely hard time taking the tamoxifen drug that I am supposed to be on for the next 5 years. This is a drug that stops my body from producing estrogen, therefore keeping me from having cancer again, since my cancer was an estrogen positive cancer. I started having signs of menopause, and let me tell you how crazy that was. I've since stopped taking the drug, to now be plagued with thoughts of reoccurring cancer. I couldn't sleep at night, started having hot flashes, felt like an emotional monster.... were just a few among the fun filled moments.
I had an amazing year and in some ways miss the love and support that felt while going through cancer. I miss my freedom and yearn for the days that my time was my own. I am back to my normal life and have quickly realized that I was not happy doing what I have been doing for so many years. I know that my spirit needs to be the guiding source in my life. I dreamof going back to feeling that feeling of knowing that I am taken care of, that there is nothing for me to worry about ever. Now having felt life moving in that carefree way, I am determined to have it again and to let go of trying to make life what I think it should be. I have to surrender and allow source to take care of me again and to follow my heart and let go of what my mind is telling me.
This is the only way for me to live my life. I have some ideas for a business that I want to pursue and going back to school next month, both give me energy to move forward. I look forward to a day very soon that I can, with love, say good-bye to what is the focus on my life right at this moment. I see that I am no longer the Jamie that I was 8-9 months ago and I am living a life of magic. A life that few people can really understand or process. I'm OK with that. I am a very different and unique person and I came here to this experience knowing that and actually choosing that for myself. So, with that knowledge I get to do life in different ways....with magic!!
Today, my reminder is "Live Magically". Let magic happen!
I had an amazing year and in some ways miss the love and support that felt while going through cancer. I miss my freedom and yearn for the days that my time was my own. I am back to my normal life and have quickly realized that I was not happy doing what I have been doing for so many years. I know that my spirit needs to be the guiding source in my life. I dreamof going back to feeling that feeling of knowing that I am taken care of, that there is nothing for me to worry about ever. Now having felt life moving in that carefree way, I am determined to have it again and to let go of trying to make life what I think it should be. I have to surrender and allow source to take care of me again and to follow my heart and let go of what my mind is telling me.
This is the only way for me to live my life. I have some ideas for a business that I want to pursue and going back to school next month, both give me energy to move forward. I look forward to a day very soon that I can, with love, say good-bye to what is the focus on my life right at this moment. I see that I am no longer the Jamie that I was 8-9 months ago and I am living a life of magic. A life that few people can really understand or process. I'm OK with that. I am a very different and unique person and I came here to this experience knowing that and actually choosing that for myself. So, with that knowledge I get to do life in different ways....with magic!!
Today, my reminder is "Live Magically". Let magic happen!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Nov 10, 2009
It's been some time since I've been on here. Alot has happened in this last month. I finished radiation almost 2 weeks ago and am thrilled to be done with that part of this journey. My skin became very bad and it's hard to explain to other's how that felt or even what it looked like. This was a proccess that I did on my own, everyday, 5 days a weeks. I went everyday to the Machine, the radiation machine. I stripped down from the waist up and layed there while getting what is similiar to an x-ray on both of my breast, my ches and including both armpits. My skin at first just looked like a sunburn, but by the end of the 5 week it started turning black and became very painful. At the end of the 6th week, I started blistering in specific areas...under both armpits and under each breast. It became very painful and I opted to go back on pain pills. Sleeping and movement was horrible and became more than just an annoyance, it really hurt.
I've never been a pill advoate in any part of my life, up until cancer. My first biopsy, I tried it without any medication other than the numbing shot in the breast. I learned very quickly what a HUGE mistake that was.....The second time, I went with the maximun amount that I could have and it was much, much better. I've decided that there is a place and situation for medication on a temporary basis......It's when it's used to cover up issues not being dealt with that I'm not in allignment with. But sitting in pain day in and day out affected every aspect of my life.
One of the biggest thing that I learned from this proccess is that we NEVER know how we will feel, act or decide until we are in a situation. We have no place to offer judgement on others and what they are going through....we cannot know until we have gone through that ourselves. We have to let others decide for themselve and do what they need to do for follow their own journey. We can only do what is right for ourselves and move forward in those decisions.
I've also come to learn that when it come to the people in our lives it's about actions not words. And that has brought me to my own words and are they in allignment with my actions. I've worked very hard to make them both match. It's really hard for me to be around someone whose words never match their actions. I've changed a lot of friendships during this proccess and have met some wonderful people and friends.
Coming to the end of this journey, or rather the begining of another journey, came with alot of unexpected emotions. I thought I would feel this euphoria of joy on my last day of radiation and ready to go out and celebrate and what I felt was entirely different than that. I felt like I had hit a brick wall driving 89 mph. And I felt very lost....Now What???? Well, transition is often not what we think it will be, nor do we feel how we thought we would feel, but now I can say I'm getting my mojo back and looking forward to what is next. I know for sure that school is next in Jan. and until then, I guess I get to sit back and enjoy the time I have without having cancer and without daily hospital visits and without the worry of "am I going to be ok?" Because Now I know for sure that I am ok and I will continue to be ok and even more than ok, MAGNIFICIENT!!! Thanks for following along.......Peace and Love!
Jamie Lish
I've never been a pill advoate in any part of my life, up until cancer. My first biopsy, I tried it without any medication other than the numbing shot in the breast. I learned very quickly what a HUGE mistake that was.....The second time, I went with the maximun amount that I could have and it was much, much better. I've decided that there is a place and situation for medication on a temporary basis......It's when it's used to cover up issues not being dealt with that I'm not in allignment with. But sitting in pain day in and day out affected every aspect of my life.
One of the biggest thing that I learned from this proccess is that we NEVER know how we will feel, act or decide until we are in a situation. We have no place to offer judgement on others and what they are going through....we cannot know until we have gone through that ourselves. We have to let others decide for themselve and do what they need to do for follow their own journey. We can only do what is right for ourselves and move forward in those decisions.
I've also come to learn that when it come to the people in our lives it's about actions not words. And that has brought me to my own words and are they in allignment with my actions. I've worked very hard to make them both match. It's really hard for me to be around someone whose words never match their actions. I've changed a lot of friendships during this proccess and have met some wonderful people and friends.
Coming to the end of this journey, or rather the begining of another journey, came with alot of unexpected emotions. I thought I would feel this euphoria of joy on my last day of radiation and ready to go out and celebrate and what I felt was entirely different than that. I felt like I had hit a brick wall driving 89 mph. And I felt very lost....Now What???? Well, transition is often not what we think it will be, nor do we feel how we thought we would feel, but now I can say I'm getting my mojo back and looking forward to what is next. I know for sure that school is next in Jan. and until then, I guess I get to sit back and enjoy the time I have without having cancer and without daily hospital visits and without the worry of "am I going to be ok?" Because Now I know for sure that I am ok and I will continue to be ok and even more than ok, MAGNIFICIENT!!! Thanks for following along.......Peace and Love!
Jamie Lish
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Oct 11, 2009
I've given my life a lot of thought today, well everyday really, some days just more than others. I am going into my 5th week of radiation and my side effects are starting to become more apparent.. My skin is horrible and I am afraid that I will have scarring! My chest is red, bumpy and inflamed along with both breasts. The only upside to radiation, beside keeping cancer away, is no armpit hair growth!!! Haven't had to shave in over a week and not a single hair in sight!! So nice....Now that's gotta be worth a hundred grand!!! Seems 6 1/2 weeks of radiation runs about that much these days!! Whew!! Worth saving my life if you ask me!
I am noticabley tired a lot of the time. But, I only have to endure another 2 1/2 weeks and then I am on to better things....like what, I'm not entirely sure, but good things. This week I got a call to live in a house and only pay utilities. The house is huge and it's a great situation for me right now. I have a back yard with a duck pond and several ducks and geese live there....Probable not the geese as they are just passing through. Jack loves all beings in life and he is very content to just watch them.....not many dogs could do that when they are about 10 feet away from him. He is an angel!!
I feel good overall. I have to say that I am doing far better than I had anticipated doing with radiation. My energy is usually decent and I feel fine in the big picture. I am quit excited to get to bed tonight, so I will write more later. I'm going to bed to dreams about the possibilities of my future!! So much to dream about!!! I hope people remember to dream each day....sometimes we get caught up in life and forget to think about what we really want for ourselves and then we get stuck in the same spot forgetting the possibilities that are just waiting for us to become aware of, so they can manifest into our lives!! I've had an incredible 6 months on manifesting everything that I have needed during this time....It's truly been such an amazing time in that way.
I am a better person for going through this experience!! I am grateful for that!
I am noticabley tired a lot of the time. But, I only have to endure another 2 1/2 weeks and then I am on to better things....like what, I'm not entirely sure, but good things. This week I got a call to live in a house and only pay utilities. The house is huge and it's a great situation for me right now. I have a back yard with a duck pond and several ducks and geese live there....Probable not the geese as they are just passing through. Jack loves all beings in life and he is very content to just watch them.....not many dogs could do that when they are about 10 feet away from him. He is an angel!!
I feel good overall. I have to say that I am doing far better than I had anticipated doing with radiation. My energy is usually decent and I feel fine in the big picture. I am quit excited to get to bed tonight, so I will write more later. I'm going to bed to dreams about the possibilities of my future!! So much to dream about!!! I hope people remember to dream each day....sometimes we get caught up in life and forget to think about what we really want for ourselves and then we get stuck in the same spot forgetting the possibilities that are just waiting for us to become aware of, so they can manifest into our lives!! I've had an incredible 6 months on manifesting everything that I have needed during this time....It's truly been such an amazing time in that way.
I am a better person for going through this experience!! I am grateful for that!
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