August 27, 2009

If you can actually believe it, I am still on hold! Or still waiting for test results.....love the technology, but hate the waiting....So to fill my time I have been having a wonderful time! I have seen music the last 2 nights and am going again tonight to see the Mother Hips. Xavier Rudd was on Tuesday and it was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. I danced till I was sweaty and tired!! He touched my hand too! So exciting. Not much new on the cancer channel. I am officially cancer free, which is a huge blessing! I've made a list of what I want next in life and the goals that I have set for myself. It feels good to be creating with intention. I know we are always creating, but sometimes not exactly what we want. I think the world is indeed my oyster and I'm about to crack it open!! Life is a mystery and I never know from day to day what to expect, but I do know that I have the power to decide how to handle what comes up, and today I choose to make it an amazing day and to be happy!

Now, Universe how about a hot, wonderful man!! Til next time....

Full of hope....

Still waiting! I'm hoping today is the day! I have not much to say about anything right now. Just want to know what's next! Still full of hope.....

August 18, 2009

Still in wait mode. But at least having some fun in the meantime..... Learning to be in the moment and not go too far in the future. Some days it's easy and some days not so much. I would like to see some light at the end of the tunnel..... but right now it feels a ways off! SO today, I enjoy today and do as much as I can that feels good. I see friends and I make sure that I connect with those that I love. Really, everyday is a gift. I used to hear that and agree, now I hear that and I know that I'm living it. So important!

Tomorrow is a new day, with new people, new experiences. SO glad that I've had this kick in the bottom to wake me up and give a reminder that life is meant to be lived, not watched on the sidelines hoping to get int the game soon. I've lived most of my life that way.... thanks God, I get to do things different now! I think of that movie "The Yes Man" and I was that guy, except Im a girl. I constantly said no to everything, now I am the Yes Girl!!! Today I spent time with my pretend bf, John, had sushi, went to happy hour, painted, had lunch with my beautiful friend Chris and shopped with my sis Nettie. All in all a good day!! I loved today and I love! Thank you!

Well, life is funny!! Take someone like me with no patience to begin with and put their life on hold and make them wait for 5 months to see what's next!! Welcome to my world!! I'm still in limbo waiting to get a test result back that will tell me if I will honestly benefit from chemo. It's a mear $3,400.00 test. My new Doc got it aid for by insurance..... bless him!!!! I fall into a special catagory that makes it unclear if chemo will add any advantage to my situation! Honestly, I hope that it shows it wouldn't be of benefit! I'm ready to hit radiation and get back to my life!! Whatever that will be next....

I will have answers late this week or early next week! As of today, I know that I am on borrowed time for fun and summer...... so everyday I keep living and enjoying my free time, knowing that at some point it will come to an end. Today I took Jack for a walk, swam at the Y with Mary, who helps me with movement and restoring arm flexibility, got a message, got my eyes checked, came home and read. Liife is good while I am on this journey! I am allowing everyday to be what it is and I gowith the flow. A good reminder for me that life has a mind of it's own and we can go with it or fight it! I'm in the flow and it's going well!! xoxoxo Jamie

August 9, 2009

It's been awhile since I've written, been busy and without a computer! But, so much has happened, so many miracles and blessings!! I switched oncologists at the last minute before starting chemo and am SOOOOOO glad that I did. He talked to me like a human, listened and took into consideration what is important to me. He suggested we try to get insurance to pay for a genetic DNA test that isn't usually paid for by insurance companies. Luckily he got me approved!! The test will put me into 1 of 3 catagories.... a low, medium or high risk catagory for return of cancer. It's a two week turn around time for the test to come back, but right now I'm believing in miracles and am hoping for the low risk catagory! If so, no chemo!! Just like Christmas, only better!!

I've still yet to understand the burden of cancer. For me it's been so much growth and learning and I know today that I will not go back to the way I was or wasn't living my life before all this happened! I live each day the best that I can! I enjoy each moment as much as possible!! I look forward to tomorrow and the goodness that it will bring! I love people more! I feel inspired everyday by those in my life and I hope I inspire those around me too!

Getting used to waiting.... sometime in the next two weeks, I will know if I really have to go through chemo and my hope is that I won't!! I've gotten what I have needed to get and learn from this experience and now I'm ready to move onto the next road. XOXOXO!