Summertime

Today is July 12, 2009

Sunday is my day to no schedule anything and just have time to myself. After my first surgery I was in horror to see myself and the scars on my breasts.... It was not apretty picture by a long shot. Two moe scars under each armpit added to the dread of being single and thinking about being seen like this. At this time things have healed much better than I ever thought they would, but still there. As my beautiful friend Trina says, "scars are the story of your life" they tell you who you are and where you've been. I see it that way now. Thanks Trin-trin!!

The news was almost good with a little bad and that was that no cancer in the lymph area, but the right side did not meet the margins, meaning they didn't get it all and had to redo that side.... so another month goes by and another surgery. Today is almost a month after that 2nd surgery and the margins were good! At the end of July I will start chemo and am nervous and not at all sure what to expect. Everyone handles it their own way and it affects everyone differently! I have heard mostly that it isn't as hard and difficult as is expected, so I am hoping for the best in my situation. Somdays it still feels like a dream in some ways...... time passes from the last procedure and normal sort of stes in again and even though it never completely leaves my mind, I sometimes feel like I am living a normal day! But the truth is never far away and then I come back to the cancer world and what's coming. It's only possible for me to live day to day, my mind cannot handle going to far past today, so I stay with today and I'm ok with that! Very zen!